Category Archive: Expressing Yourself

Preparing Your Loved Ones for Your Labour Sounds!

Most women will have at least one loved one attend her labour whether in hospital or at home.  Usually the husband/partner will be there, mother, sister or best friend, and sometimes the siblings in a home-birth situation.  All of your loved ones LOVE you and no one enjoys seeing a loved one experiencing pain.  Also, none of them have probably every seen or heard you experience pain for what could be for several hours… Maybe they have seen / heard you swear your head off for a few minutes after you’ve stubbed your toe, or maybe you have groaned and moaned when sick with the flu, or maybe they have seen you scream and cry if you have ever broken a bone…BUT the sounds of labour are going to be very, very different and will most likely go on for a much longer period of time…becoming more and more intense as the labour progresses.

From the research I have done and from my own personal experience, making primal sounds during contractions whether that is moaning, groaning, toning or a combination of the lot, will assist with pain relief, relaxing and opening the cervix and keep the labouring woman in “the zone”…to name a few benefits.

So, first of all though, YOU need to give yourself permission and feel comfortable about making such sounds BEFORE the birth and so do the people who you have chosen to have support you (even some birth professionals need a reminder that vocalising is important).  If your loved ones aren’t  prepared it could bring up anxiety for them (especially if they are the type who want to ‘fix’ everything – most men are like this, and mothers tend to worry).  You don’t want an anxious person supporting you and you also don’t want to be suppressing your sounds just because you don’t want to freak out your loved ones!!!  Remember that you are using your voice as a pain relief and ‘opening up’ tool to help you birth your baby gently into the world!

You really can’t afford to abandon your voice but you CAN prepare your loved ones.

Here are some discussion points and exercises you can do with those loved ones who will most likely be present during your labour.  Adjust the language of course, according to whether you are talking to your hubby or children…

Points for discussion:

  • “I will be making sounds during contractions which will be different to the sounds I normally make.  They are good, healthy sounds that are helping me cope with pain and to birth my baby.  When these sounds become more intense it means that the baby is VERY close to being born.”
  • “It is important to me that you feel comfortable with these sounds so I can let go into the birthing zone using my voice.  I need to know that you won’t freak out when I make sounds because I need you to be present with me…NOT busy freaking out.  Here are some fun exercises we can do now to help us ALL become uninhibited with using our voice and hearing each other make different sounds.  Then when it comes to birth day making sound won’t be an issue.”

5 fun and simple exercises:

  1. Stand up.  Open your mouth.  Stretch your arms…and YAWN.  Yawn as loudly as you can.  Let the sound out.   Yawning is usually contagious so relax (try not to laugh too much) and YAWN your head off!
  2. LAUGH!  Do “Ha ha ha’s” and “Ho ho ho’s” and He he he’s” “Hu hu hu’s” and a combination of them all.  Make high and low, fast and slow sounds ie. Make your laughing interesting! Be creative!  And enjoy laughing at each other!  Laughing is also extremely contagious!
  3. Take a deep breath, open your mouth wide and sigh “Ahhh” several times.  Allow yourself to relax as you do this.  Release any stress or tension that you may have held in your body through the day.  Let it all go!
  4. Crawl around on your hands and knees and pretend you are a cow! Kids love this one of course!  Even if you are not a kid you will get a kick out of it!  Choose some other animal sounds to explore together – monkey, dog, lion, kookaburra, elephant, cat  
  5. Everyone holds a piece of ice in their hand for 1 minute (the time of a good contraction) without making any sound.  Talk about how this felt.  Do it again this time making some long “Ahhh” and “Oooo” sounds or just moan and groan… allow whatever sound to be OK.  Notice and discuss the difference when it came to coping with the pain.

More to discuss:

“Here’s how you can support me to make more sound during labour:

  • Remember that the sounds I make are not necessarily an indication on how much pain I’m experiencing…they are just me expressing myself which is helping me to stay strong and release tension in my body. “It’s better out than in” as they say!
  • Staying calm will help me to stay calm
  • If you notice my breathing is shallow, my face is all tense, I’m not making any sound or I’m making high pitched sounds remind me to make low, groaning moo cow like sounds.  Do this by making those sounds with me.
  • Make sounds with me.  “Singing” in a group is much less scary than singing solo, right?? This will help me feel supported.  Just hearing that you are “with me” will help me to relax.”

So there you go!  Prepare yourself and your loved ones during pregnancy.  Learn to LOVE your voice (even just accepting it would be good enough!) and then make the choice to draw on it as an awesome coping tool during labour.

If you want to find out how to add the soothing sound of a crystal singing bowl to the Soundbirth equation contact me! nicole@soundbirth.com.au

Enjoy making sounds with your loved ones!  Let me know how you go!

 

Dealing With FEAR During Pregnancy

I am now 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant.  I feel physically and emotionally ready now to give birth again for the fourth time!  I have set up my birthing space at home.  I have my crystal singing bowl in the corner of the room ready to be played by someone throughout every contraction…the sound that will be “holding my hand” and keeping me focused as I vocalise through my labour.  I have the birth pool blown up and ready to go.  I have the “Feng Shui for birth” kit set up to help with cleansing and bringing the right energy into the room.  I have chosen an awesome independent midwife who has made house visits from three months into my pregnancy who I have built a relationship with and who I trust completely if it comes to making any big decisions during the labour, birth and with baby in arms.  I have had a Blessingway ceremony, had a beautiful henna design drawn on my belly, had professional photos taken and have completely cleaned and sorted out my “nest”.

Yes I have made many conscious choices and some people may believe that because I have “done this” three times “successfully” already I wouldn’t have any fears and all will be well…

MY FEARS

 Well, they are wrong.  I’m only human after all!   During this pregnancy I have experienced more fear than any other.  Probably because I have read more about birth and heard many more horror birth stories since starting my birthy business, Soundbirth.  Because of this I have felt SO grateful and lucky really, to have had three beautiful homebirths in the past but I also feel that if awful things like this can happen to other women then who am I to think that it couldn’t happen to me too!

Here are just some of the fears that have sometimes consumed me during this pregnancy!

-fear that my baby will die

-fear of being transferred to hospital

-fear of having to have a c-section and feeling like I have “failed”.

-fear that baby will be posteria and the labour too painful and long for me to birth naturally

-fear of the pain – especially at the end when I usually feel like I’m going to die

-fear of feeling depressed afterwards and not being able to take care of my family because of it

-fear of having to deal with sore vagina, haemorrhoids, sore nipples…

-fear of being sleep deprived…again!

STEPPING INTO THE UNKNOWN!

What I have realised is that all of these fears come down to the FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN!  Because the truth is that all of these things COULD happen AND all of these things MIGHT NOT happen.  I don’t know…nobody knows… The reality is that the outcome is completely out of my control!!! And we, especially in our society, are not used to feeling out of control!  We want to know the outcome, we want to know how to do it, we want to know everything about everything inside and out before taking action…just in case we fail, feel pain, feel stupid and the list goes on.  Giving birth though is one of those peak life experiences (close to being faced with death) that can’t give us these answers which therefore forces us to face these fears and surrender to the moment.  Scary stuff for any “normal” human being…

EXPRESSING THE FEARS

What has helped me during this pregnancy was that I vocalised my fears in front of my midwife, my husband, my children, my Mum, my sister and the friends who came to my Blessingway.   Yes, I cried.   Yes, I felt vulnerable and shame even for feeling so fearful about things that I “should” feel confident about since a) I have done it three times before and b) I teach women how to cope with pain etc. using sound through my business!

What I realised though that after expressing and exploring the fears and tears I was able to release them…It was like the fearful thought needed to turn into a sound (spoken words) so that it became separate from my body and mind.  From here I was able to see the fear for what it was (a thought) and see clearly why that thought was scary (something to do with a past experience). Only then was I able to step into the spaciousness of the UNKNOWN…because that was all that was left… The “I don’t know” mind. Scary…but SO freeing!  In this space I could take a breath and be present in the moment knowing that all I actually can do is surrender and trust that the birth will unfold as it unfolds and that’s that.

If I had held in these fears because I was worried about what others would think of me or if I was afraid that if I voiced them they would come true…I would STILL be holding these fears in my body and mind.  I’m sure that like my first two births they would then arise again during labour and birth and afterwards which are really not ideal times to feel be feeling anxious.  I want to feel CLEAR before giving birth again.   To know that I have looked at all the  heavy, all-consuming thoughts and emotions so I can be fully present with my body making space for me to freely birth my baby into the world.

I feel I am ready now to face the unknown…  to surrender to the awesomeness of giving birth again.

Bring it on!

A few days after the birth of my third baby

You CAN Sing!

For those of you who don’t know me I want you to know that even though I have a musical background… I am NOT an amazing singer. I have never been taught how to sing and I have never had to sing for an audience (thank goodness).  I put myself in the category of  ”normal person just wanting to sing”.

  • I sing because I want to.
  • I sing for my children.
  • I sing because it makes me feel happy.
  • I sing while I work.
  • I sing in the car.
  • I sing in the shower.
  • I sing during labour (of course…)

Why do I want you to know this?

Soundbirth’s tagline is “Sing Your Baby To You”…which I have noticed freaks people right out!  They might think…”I can’t sing so there’s no point in me doing the Soundbirth thing”.  Or “It’s alright for those people who CAN sing”.  Or “There’s NO WAY I’m going to sing around my kids!  They’ll all runaway!”  I have heard these words come out of people’s mouths a number of times now…and I feel sad every time I hear it…

Most people these days think that to “be able to sing” means you have to be a singer on stage or on TV.  And if you’re not doing that, you are NOT a “singer”.

Well stuff that!  I believe you are ALL singers!  Even my first boyfriend who was “tone deaf” would enjoy singing along with his Metallica albums!  So he is also a “singer”!  If he can do it so can you!

Why?  Because:

  • If you can talk you can sing.
  • If you can cheer at a footy game, you can sing.
  • If you can groan and moan and swear your head off when you kick your toe, you can sing.
  • If you can laugh out loud, you can sing!

If you have kids or about to have a baby you really can’t afford to NOT sing.  There are SO many benefits that definitely outweigh the limiting beliefs you may have about your voice.

Singing:

  • increases oxygen in the body
  • lowers blood pressure
  • increases oxytocin (the LOVE hormone)
  • reduces adrenaline
  • increases endorphins
  • releases stress and tension  from the body
  • releases negative emotion
  • energises the body
  • brings you into the present moment
  • and more…

Try singing out for yourself!

Notice what a difference singing makes to your level of happiness, to your energy levels and to your connection with your children by making the choice to sing everyday!  Who cares what those around you think of your voice!  Their reaction is their problem… (you may even be surprised to find out that they ENJOY hearing you sing!)  This is about YOU!  It is a nurturing thing to do for yourself…and it’s FREE!!!  But you will only find this out if you DO IT.

Tips for those who think they can’t sing!

  • Start by making louder sounds when you yawn, sneeze or laugh.
  • Hum for a few days.
  • Sing in the shower while no one is around.
  • Sing along to your favourite music when no one is around.
  • Then finally make the jump into singing whatever you feel like singing while your kids and husband are around!
  • Pay attention to how YOU feel.  Challenge yourself to continue singing even if you start to feel uncomfortable…eventually you will sing without inhibitions and will be able to use your one and only voice as a tool to help you feel fully ALIVE!

 

Sing like a bird…and you’ll feel as free as a bird!

Let it ALL out!!!

How do you sneeze?

What sounds do you make when you sneeze, yawn, stub your toe, cry, laugh, scream with anger? Do you express these sounds differently depending on who is in your presence? For example your kids, your mother-in-law, your best friend, your co-workers, a group of strangers, your lover. How do you censor these sounds?   Why do you censor them?  What thoughts in your head are telling you to be quiet, to hide, to be small, to squash down your life-force energy, to basically lie!

Find Your Authentic Voice

The first time I deeply realised how much I had been squashing down my True Self for most of my life was at a life transforming workshop called Realtime Speaking with Robert Rabbin in 2007. (see  http://www.realtimespeaking.com/profiles/robert-rabbin/ for more information).  I cried and cried for the entire two days.  I couldn’t believe how afraid I was to say my truth, to speak up, to be authentic in front of the seven other participants.  I cried for all of the parts of myself I had disowned in fear that I would be rejected if I let others see them.  I cried for all the people who have also been squashing down their aliveness for so long just to fit in, be accepted, be “loved”.  I knew I had to let go and reveal myself to feel free yet I was afraid …and still am sometimes.   Why?  Because if I revealed my real voice, my actual thoughts and feelings, what if people stop liking me?  What if they don’t accept me?  What if I am laughed at?  Ridiculed?  I would be alone.  This was the fear.  But the other option of staying the same, of holding back my truth, of staying stuck was MORE painful and just not an option anymore.  It was time to change and I was ready to take the plunge. Read the rest of this entry »

Repressed or Expressed?

Do you want your child to be repressed and depressed or full of life and laughter?  I know…stupid question….of course you want a vibrant, happy, alive, energetic, healthy child!  So, what can YOU do to make sure this happens?  YOU need to become (if not already) full of LIFE and LAUGHTER!  How?  By EXPRESSING yourself!  When you express yourself authentically at ALL times it is impossible to be repressed and depressed.

I am observing my one year old.  She’s walking around, picking things up, putting things down and exploring her world. She’s saying “Ahh” here and “oo” there and “gibligobligoop” everywhere.  Her older sister takes the little thing that she found on the floor from her to stop her from swallowing it.  My one year old screams, “Wahhh!!!” at the top of her voice and falls down to the ground expressing her devastation.  After 15 seconds or so she gets up and moves on to find something else to pick up, touch, put in her mouth…as if nothing has happened.  One year olds still fully express themselves at all times.  They feel something, they express it – using their voice and their body – and they move on. Read the rest of this entry »

Sing to Connect During Pregnancy

Being pregnant is the perfect time to start creating a connection with your unborn child.  While you are pregnant, you are connected on a physical level through the umbilical cord.  After the birth, the cord is cut creating two separate physical bodies.

Sound is an invisible yet powerful tool which you can use to connect directly with your baby. This can start when your baby hears your voice while in utero and continue right up until s/he is in your loving arms – without ever experiencing a feeling of separation.  No one can cut the invisible sound cord that you create between you and your baby.

Your voice is the predominant sound your baby hears while they are in utero.  They also hear your heart beating, blood flowing through the placenta and your stomach gurgling.  According to sound researcher, Alfred Tomatis,  your baby is aware of this “sonic world” four and a half months prior to birth.    The sounds they prefer, according to Joshua Leeds in his book The Power of Sound, are high-pitched  rather than low-pitched.  This makes sense as it is the high-pitch of their mothers’ voices that they are most familiar with while in utero. Read the rest of this entry »