“Shame Management Tool”

SoundBirth is not only a pain management tool for birth. It is also a SHAME management tool!

Managing pain and anxiety always seem to be the topics at childbirth preparation classes. But what about the experience of SHAME? After all, we are going to be half naked, in our most raw state, in front of strangers, sometimes for hours!

So let’s talk about it!

It is likely that you will feel shame when feeling so vulnerable, naked, and worst of all, making strange guttural sounds in front of people! Eek!

Now, I’m not talking about “healthy shame”, when you do something “wrong”, feel ashamed of yourself, make amends and move on…

No, I’m talking about that icky, yucky, unhealthy shame from our past. “Toxic Shame,” it’s known as. The feeling that makes us want to bury ourselves, become invisible, and never be seen again. You know the one. We feel like a child again, and the feeling will never end, and no one will ever be able to save us from it, etc.

What I have noticed is that over time, we have learnt how to avoid these kinds of “shame attacks” by dressing appropriately, speaking politely, eating with good manners, and behaving in a way that pleases others. We also avoid singing, public speaking, being silly in public, and speaking our truth when we risk being judged, abandoned, or laughed at.

How this Relates to Birth!

Your larynx and cervix are the only two organs in the human body made up of exactly the same tissue. So there is a psychosexual correlation.

WARNING: If there is shame around using your voice, you may be triggered when you feel like vocalising. This will, in turn, tighten your larynx, which will tighten your cervix. Not great when trying to release a baby! Shame also activates the fight/flight/freeze response, which releases adrenaline! Also, not great!

So basically, singing can create the same amount of vulnerability as opening up your legs in front of someone! And if you have a “shame attack” about using your voice during labour and you don’t vocalise, or you tighten up your larynx when you vocalise, you could be holding back your baby.

Solution? To feel safe.

We will sing, make strange sounds and speak our truth if we feel SAFE.

So, let’s make a woman feel not only safe to open up their legs in front of strangers during labour, but also address the issue of feeling safe enough to make ANY SOUNDS THEY CHOOSE to during labour.

Let’s think about this…

What do YOU need from someone for you to feel safe enough to sing, make birthy sounds, speak your truth etc?

Here’s my list:

I need to know that ABSOLUTELY ANY SOUND I make is OK…

The other people in the room will not mock, judge, or put me down; if they do, someone will ask them to leave.

My support team will encourage me to make sounds by joining in and reminding me that it’s important to let out any sounds I like.

The Crystal Singing Bowl

Adding a crystal singing bowl takes this to the next level. It is the ultimate “SHAME MANAGEMENT TOOL!

Why?

It is the sound that encourages a woman to express herself fully!

It is a neutral, pure, resonant sound that can match the intensity of her voice and even drown it out! She can then LEAN on the sound as she moans and groans, sings, and tones to her heart's content.

I always say, it’s the difference between singing in a choir and singing solo (and naked) on stage! Most people would prefer the choir option!

So, the sound of the bowl basically encourages her to relax and fully let go … which is exactly what she is doing… letting go of her baby. She must let go. She cannot afford to hold on to her insecurities about using her voice at this time. Her responsibility to her baby is to overcome these “issues” and be the strong, powerful, open woman that she is by expressing herself fully.

Want to learn how to offer this “Shame-Management Tool” too?

If you are a birth worker, you can learn all about it in the SoundBirth Doula Training or come along to the next SoundBirth Workshop!

If you are pregnant contact me to book in a private session or come to the next SoundBirth Workshop!

Or find a trained SoundBirth Doula here!