How it Feels to Be Heard During Labour

"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." - Ralph Nichols

During my third homebirth, my friend Janet, who was playing the bowl, synchronised her playing with my contractions. She began playing the bowl when I started experiencing a contraction and stopped when I stopped. If the sound were absent when I started a contraction, I would insist that she or someone else play it. If it were absent, my abandonment issues would surface. The sound was the most important birth support tool. It did not merely seem like sound vibrations floating around; it was more like an invisible hand or a bubble of light holding me, keeping me safe and calm. Therefore, I would panic slightly when it was absent, as what was holding me up was suddenly gone.

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” - Karl Menninger

This is why watching and listening to a labouring woman's body and voice is so important, just as you would if you were actively listening to your best friend. The best listeners stay present with your words, follow your lead, and do not try to change the subject, fix you, or take over the conversation. This is the support person's ultimate duty when using the "SoundBirth Tools": to listen, to be present, and to provide that supportive sound that will "hold" a woman during contractions. Simple!

The first duty of love is to listen.” - Paul Tillich 

Sync and Sigh Exercise

For partners and other support people:

Invite the pregnant woman to lie down comfortably and breathe naturally. Sit beside her and notice her chest rising and falling with her breath. Then start to sigh in time with her exhalation: "Ahhhhh."  I recommend doing this for at least 2 minutes. I also recommend sighing out of time with her exhalation a few times so she can feel what it is like when someone doesn't follow her rhythm. 

Afterward, share each other's experiences. 

Swap over and do the same activity. 

You may notice the significance of synchronising your breath with another person's and being attuned to their body rather than your own. This connection and support can be profoundly felt by the person breathing. Conversely, it can be quite unsettling when someone is not attentive and sighs out of sync with your breath.

The point?

It is essential for the person playing the SoundBirth Bowl, to synchronise with the woman's contractions and to be there for her every time.

Suppose she starts to have a contraction and can hear the SoundBirth Bowl beginning to resonate. In that case, she not only knows that someone is present with her but also feels comfortable vocalising freely, allowing her to experience the many benefits.   

If you would like to learn more about SoundBirth and how you can support a birthing woman in this way, please get in touch with me!