Shame Management Tool

SoundBirth is not only a pain management tool for birth. It is also a SHAME management tool!

Managing pain and anxiety always seem to be the topic at childbirth preparation classes. But what about the experience of SHAME? After all, we are going to be half naked, in our most raw state in front of strangers, sometimes for hours!

So let’s talk about it!

It is likely that you will feel shame when feeling so vulnerable, naked, and worst of all making strange gutteral sounds in front of people! Eek!

Now, I’m not talking about “healthy shame”, which is when you do something “wrong”, feel ashamed of yourself, make amends and move on…

No, I’m talking about that icky, yucky, unhealthy, carried shame from our past. “Toxic Shame” it’s known as. The feeling that makes us want to bury ourselves, become invisible, not ever be seen again. You know the one. We feel like a child again and that the feeling will never end, and no one will ever be able to save you from it etc.

What I have noticed is that over time we have learnt how to avoid this kind of “shame attacks” by doing things like: dressing appropriately, speaking politely, eating with good manners, behaving in a way that pleases others. And avoiding things like singing, public speaking, being silly in public, speaking your truth when you risk being judged or abandoned or laughed at.

How this Relates to Birth!

Your larynx and cervix are the only two organs in the human body made up of exactly the same tissue. So, there is a psychosexual correlation.

WARNING: If there is shame around using your voice, you may be triggered when you feel like vocalising. This will in turn tighten your larynx which will tighten your cervix. Not great when trying to release a baby! Shame also activates the flight/fight/freeze response which releases adrenaline! Also, not great!

So basically, singing can create the same amount of vulnerability as opening up your legs in front of someone! And if you have a “shame attack” about using your voice during labour and you don’t vocalise, or you tighten up your larynx when you vocalise, you could be holding back your baby.

Solution? To feel safe.

We will sing, make strange sounds and speak our truth if we feel SAFE.

So let’s make a woman feel not only safe to open up their legs in front of strangers during labour, but also address the issue of feeling safe enough to make ANY SOUNDS THEY CHOOSE to during labour.

Let’s think about this…

What do YOU need from someone in order for you to feel safe enough to sing, make birthy sounds, speak your truth etc?

Here’s my list:

I need to know that ABSOLUTELY ANY SOUND I make is OK…

The other people in the room will not mock me, judge, put me down and if they do, someone will ask them to leave.

My support team will encourage me to make sounds by joining in and reminding me that it’s important to let out any sounds I like.

The Crystal Singing Bowl

Adding a crystal singing bowl takes this to the next level. It is the ultimate “SHAME MANAGEMENT TOOL!

Why?

It is the sound that encourages a woman to express herself fully!

It is a neutral, pure, resonant sound that can match the intensity of her voice and even drown it out! She can then LEAN on the sound as she moans and groans and sings and tones to her hearts content.

I always say, it’s the difference between singing in a choir and singing solo (and naked) on stage! Most people would prefer the choir option!

So, the sound of the bowl basically encourages her to relax and fully let go … which is exactly what she is doing … letting go of her baby. She MUST let go. She cannot afford to hold on to her insecurities around using her voice at this time. Her responsibility to her baby is to overcome these “issues” and be the strong, powerful, open woman that she is, by expressing herself fully.

Want to learn how to offer this “Shame-Management Tool” too?

If you are a birth worker, you can learn all about it in the SoundBirth Professional Training!

If you are pregnant, you can learn more HERE!

Or find a trained SoundBirth Doula HERE!